I say “surviving grief” because even the most positive of people still need time to heal after the loss of a loved one. Grief is a process. For some people, it can be a very long road. For others, emotions can come on quick and strong. There are 5 stages of grief, and each person is individual in how they react especially in the days immediately following the loss of a loved one. Denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance can come at any time…hours, days, or even months later.
My husband, Marc, is one of the most positive people I know; however, he’s in a business that takes a toll on him each and every day. He manufacturers and sells cremation urns from Allentown, PA directly to consumers through his website (USAurns.com) and through Amazon. Customers call him daily, and some are experiencing extreme emotions due to their grief. Some call him crying, and some call him angry. How does he stay positive day after day when dealing with the reality of permanent loss?
I can tell you from experience that it’s extremely difficult. I had the pleasure of working with Marc and his business partner, Mike, when I was laid off a few years ago. In fact, I’m the one who pushed to get them on Amazon. I did answer the phones, and I did talk to my fair share of grieving customers. And all of us have shed tears while listening to these stranger’s stories. So where is the positive aspect in all of this? Marc said last weekend that when customers come to him to purchase an urn, it’s the last act that person will do for his or her loved one. It’s also the very beginning of the healing process. That initial closure that you need to take your first steps towards moving on.
I’m very proud of not just the quality products that the Amaranthine Urn Company builds but also the compassion these gentlemen put forth every day. They go out of their way to make the experience as easy as this difficult task can get. If a customer is grieving and makes a mistake, they make it right…even at their own expense. They don’t bill the customer for all the time spent answering questions, sharing their story, and even sometimes “counseling” their customers.
Last week, Marc came home pretty rattled. A customer had already hit the anger stage, and we don’t blame her when the funeral home was…let’s just say…they were less than compassionate (understatement of the year). Marc felt terrible that she was so upset, and there really wasn’t anything he could do to fix what the funeral home had done. He felt helpless, but he didn’t fault the customer…not once. He understood because he’d been through it. He started the urn company because he lost his father to cancer. His first urn was for his dad. It has been many years since his dad’s death, and Marc can now focus on all the positive memories. He’s thankful that he had the time he did with his loved one, and that’s his advice to others (including the customer who was upset when she called back to apologize). The pain doesn’t go away. You don’t forget. But eventually, your thoughts turn away from your pain and loss and you begin to focus on the love you shared….the memorable, positive moments that formed that love.
And I’m happy to say that I encouraged Marc to share his story when we built his website, and every word of it is true. Yesterday, he told me that I inspired him to write his first blog post: Finding Something Positive in Purchasing an Urn. I encourage you to check it out, and to write your own positive stories. I’m happy to share them on my website, and if your words can help just one person to find a little more joy in their life – it will all be worth it!
